Ok so i deleted all of clips and kept my advanced output / layers as a test. Seemed to work but after i loaded in 10 clips (the ones resolume ships with) it became unstable again so i started a new comp with nothing in it and loaded 10 clips and when i opened advanced output to send signal to my projector it crashed when i hit save.
So... I decided there must be some underlying system instability, and ran a slew of benchmarks, all of them soaring to great scores, ran the intel CPU diag, swapped out my Video card for an older one, and then i launched the same original profile ive been having all of these problems with on my 8th gen i7/GTX1080ti/64GBram machine and it was running ok on that platform.
So i turned to the default overclocking on these 10th gen i9s
I limited the max mhz to 4GHz and tuned the graphics cards clock back 100mhz for good measure and VOILA the thing now runs stable, i can flip through my massive profile with way to many routing layers and outputs with EASE.
So moral of the story if you are using the latest and greatest at 5.2ghz turbo boost its probably not going to run very stably and you should tune your OC back to around 4ghz to avoid system instability.
Thank you all for your help!